Portland

Music.2012

1. Bluegrass Special - Bill Monroe
2. Heavy Traffic Ahead - Bill Monroe**
3. Gold On the Ceiling - The Black Keys
4. You’re the One - The Black Keys**
5. Get It Out - Blind Pilot**
6. Redbird - Cadillac Sky
7. Salty Dog - Cat Power**
8. Living Proof - Cat Power**
9. The Moon - Cat Power
10.  Moonshiner - Cat Power
11. You’re the One I Want - Chris and Thomas**
12. I Ain’t Broke but I’m Badly Bent - David Grisman
13. Sweetheart of the Rodeo - Dawn Landes**
14. Love - Dawn Landes & Dawn Landes & Dartmoor Music
15. My Dearest Friend - Devendra Banhart**
16. Love Me Two Times - The Doors
17. Roadhouse Blues - The Doors
18. Next Door to the Blues - Etta James**
19. Something’s Got a Hold On Me (1961 Single) - Etta James
20. I’d Rather Go Blind (Single) - Etta James**
21. A Sunday Kind of Love - Etta James
22. Le temps de l’amour - Francoise Hardy**
23. Slipping Through the Sensors - Fruit Bats**
24. My Darlin’ Hometown - John Prine
25. Clay Pigeons - John Prine
26. Blues On the Ceiling - Karen Dalton**
27. Blues Run the Game - Laura Marling**
28. Easy Rider - Leadbelly**
29. Cash On the Barrelhead - The Louvin’ Brothers
30. Middle of the Bed - Lucy Rose**
31. I Can’t Be Satisfied - Muddy Waters**
32. Love Weapon - Muddy Waters
33. I’ve Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding
34. Sing Sun Saing - Peggy Honeywell**
35. 15 Step - Radiohead
36. Come On In My Kitchen - Robert Johnson
37. 32-20 Blues - Robert Johnson
38. Beast of Burden - The Rolling Stones
39. Play With Fire - The Rolling Stones
40. Open Up A Window - Sean Hayes**
41. Winds from the West - Stickfigure**
42. Where I Though I Met the Angels - The Tallest Man on Earth**
43. Things ‘Bout Coming My Way - Tampa Red**
44. Down at El Rio - Vetiver**
45. Someone Else’s Song - Wilco**

My Time in Portland…

I have not communicated with any of you for quite some time. I do not know why this is. I suppose I’m in a different world than the rest of you, but I do hope that you are all well. My time here in Portland has come to an end, seeing as I will be moving back to California at the end of the month. I know many will look upon my venture up here as a waste of time, resource, and money. I will appear foolish and naive. But the situation simply is what it is. My conclusion is this…

I do not need a degree to be successful with photography, and I have found that going through the process of doing so has really stunted the fun in it any way.

I must figure out what to do with my life, find a major and stick with it. Complete something.

The most economically efficient way of doing so seems to be to move back to California and attend Cabrillo until I find my niche.

So my plan for now is to move back, buy a bicycle, travel, go to school, work, make friends, make art, piece together a future. You know, become an adult I guess. I can’t explain how amazing the friends I have made here are. Paige and Damian and I have had amazing times getting adjusted to this wacko city together. Lately though, it’s amazed me what emotional and life stresses do to people’s moods and minds. It seems that the stress of finals, PMSing, lack of sleep, work, booze, in limbo with the stresses of my leaving has resulted in three very tired and grumpy people trying to make the most of their time together while they still have it. I really hope that Paige, Damian, and I keep in touch—as they have made a significant impact on my life. My plan is to write, and possibly the occasional phone call. As I have found that my methods of communicating are very poor and the effort that I put forth in maintaining friendships is very little.

I am flawed, very flawed, very undeniably fucked up in very complicated ways.

Countless times, have I preached again and again about how aware I am of myself and my tone and my appearance and everything that I’ve ever done. But truth be told I am so unaware of it all, and all I can think to do is follow my own advice, be honest. Be honest with myself and you all by admitting that I am so incredibly flawed in so many ways. To tell you that I miss your faces, I miss your personalities, and I have felt very abandoned. I suppose in some ways we are all at fault at least a little for this separation, also due to the ending of high school. I have struggled with the thought that maybe I’m the odd one out. Maybe I really am not some one who you all care to keep in touch with. I have transitioned from that thought of self pity to realizing that you may all simply have a hard time finding something within my personality to be comfortable with. I have struggled into the realization that maybe I am cold. Maybe I am not someone who people in general feel they can relate too, or someone that people struggle tremendously to become close with.

I apologize that I have been cold, I promise that underneath it all I am a warm person. That I will not and have not ever judged except in fear of losing friendships, closeness, and connection. I am a very scared person some times.

I have much love for you all, and if you ever need an adventure or a chance to get away some where random. I will be in Santa Cruz with open arms.

The Public Library

Wastes so much electricity, and could give me much more peaceful dark wondrous rest if they would just turn off all of those lights inside the building after closing. The electricity must get so lonely at night.

Place To Be